Don't Ask me about Lance T-shirt

It might be the road rash from Weds crash or pain pill that seems to have acted like a double shot of espresso...but I am awake @ 3AM.  Of course Social Media is a blaze with Lance stories, reaction, and speculation.  

As I was surfing Netflix content I realized what I dreaded most about this whole event.  I dread the ball and bat ESPN types wanting to chat with me about Lance.  If you're a cyclist, you know many of the chats are coming.  The ESPN crowd doesn't know the history of the sport, the danger involved or the immense suffering these athletes endure.  Our Babe Ruth the great Eddie Merckx, tested positive two times but they don't know that.  They think drugs in cycling started when it did in their sports, sometime between Lyle Alzado and Barry Bonds. Other sports have bigger issues they have felons making millions Michael Vick, Leonard Little, Donte' Stallworth for example.  But, they will want to talk about Lance and doping.... 

We received some tweets in the last few weeks for a shirt like this.  I think it might be time we make it.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to have one of those "chats" with someone that doesn't even know the history of OUR sport.  

Available in Men's and Women's sizes: 

BUY HERE

For the record our stance on Lance, cycling, it's history and why we love our bikes hasn't changed.  See previous blogs for our take:

http://handlebarmustache.blogspot.com/2012/06/burning-down-down-lance-and-johan-might.html

http://handlebarmustache.blogspot.com/2011/05/story-i-wish-60-minutes-would-tell-real.html

Stratton from Ritte nails it with his take here:

http://rittecycles.com/blog/

Andy Schleck can win the 2012 TDF if....

We decided to to lay out how the Lanky Lux can win the 2012 Tour de France in response to this tweet @ us earlier today:

@hbstache He @andy_schleck is going to win the TdF this year. Even a good chance he'll win it twice... #againstallods

#1 There will need to be a massive crash crash like the one in 2003 that took out or hurt most of the GC contenders.  Andy will need to have Cadel, Conta, Basso, Wiggo and maybe even Levi hit the deck.  Team Nissan RadioSchack is researching what type of spectacles could cause this level of crash:

*Truth be told, Andy will need to have Frank  home as well; all that Schlooking around costs time and effort.

#2 Andy has to be okay with swapping bikes at the top of climbs (kind of a reverse Contador).  He might loose a bit of time putting on the armor & full face helmet but he at least he will have a fighting chance of making it down the descent in one piece.

#3 Andy will need Johan’s proposed UCI TT rule change to be approved.  The new rule would allow a teammate to ride Grand Tour TT’s for their leader.  "Hey Fabian take it a bit easy on your TT, save some for Andy’s."  When this idea was shared with Fabian, he responed in Fabanese “I am bit worried about Tony Martin, but he is busy with Chavenel’s pillow so it ok.  I ride hard for Andy!”

#4  A huge doping scandal could help his chances as well; something that will take out around a third of the field.  Think of what it would look like if 1998 met Op Puerto.  If Dr. Fuentez drove the Festina-mobile to the Saxo, BMC, & Sky team hotels with his cooler in the passenger seat. Andy is a lock for the top step (unless Frank bought "training plans" from Fuentez again)!

There is a chance Andy might end up as the  winner of the 2010 TDF if Conta gets  suspended.  But, Andy will always be SCHLECKnd to us!  

You can buy the Tee here:

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What the stars of Pro Cycling are think about 2012

The dust has finally settled for the big teams and big names (except for the foot gas/dust for Geox as pictured on their jersey).  I think we might have a pretty good idea what they are thinking about 2012.  So here is our take on the things running through their head.

Cadel Evans:

-I won the Tour and now I have less riders to defend me?
-Gilbert & Thor are kidding me?
-So is Thor gonna look for the green jersey and go on all day break aways?  Is Phillipe gonna try to win every race again?
-This is GREAT...I am gonna rip someone's head off this year!
-DO NOT STEP ON MY DOGGIE!!!!!!
-Hey Contador how did that Tour treat you, mate?

Alberto Contador:

-Wow!  I love Under 17 World Cup soccer now!  So glad they all tested positive for eating bad meat.
-Having the Schlecks working with Johan is a interesting, but unless he has Lance sneak into the start house for them,  they still suck on a TT bike.
-Bjarne GO GET COBO or MENCHOV or both!!!
- It was the bad meat!
- Pistols are so cool! Finger Bang!
- I will have the chicken
- I am clean...I am clean....I am clean...
- I am the best!

Andy Schleck:

-I hope I still get to race every race with Frank.
-I really want to win the Tour or get 2nd as long as Frank is on the podium with me.
-I hope Johan is not like Bjarne - yelling at me and telling what to do & how to win.
-Next year's Tour route sucks! Too much time on that weird bike with the disc wheel.

Frank Schleck:

-I hope I still get to race every race with Andy.

-I really want to see Andy win the Tour or get 2nd as long as I am on the podium with him.

-I hope Johan is not like Bjarne - yelling at me and telling what to do & how to win.

-Next year's Tour route sucks! Too much time on that weird bike with the odd handlebars.

Phillipe Gilbert:

-I look good, the bike will look good & I will win every race I enter.

-Cadel & Thor? What about them?  

Thor:

I DEMAND RESPECT! 

I HATE JV!

Johan Bruyneel:

-FABIAN....FABIAN....F*CKING FABIAN!  YES, I CAN NOW WIN ROUBAIX!

-The Schlecks need to HTFU 

-Frank & Andy should get really used to being seperated.

-I will take so many leaders to the TDF that we can crash everyday and still be on the podium!

-We might as well win!

Bjarne Riis:

-I have Contador...

-I will steal some more races like the Ronde.....Muuuumuuuuhhhaaaa

-The Schlecks are soft

-Contador is on my team

-This bad meat excuse is actually gonna work...that was a close call!

-I hate Johan & his "super team" 

-Alberto Effin Contador rides for me!

-I am the best DS ever....I won the Tour with Sastre...WHO?  Yes, Sastre!

-You can't win Roubaix on a Trek so Fabian is screwed!

Juan Jose' Cobo:

-Maybe I should not have been smiling on the Angliru?  Was that a bit much considering my past and poor season so far?  Think that had something to do with Geox folding?

-I kinda liked the shoe farting on the front of our jersey!

Wiggins:

-What the F*ck this some bloddy bull shit Cavendish on my team...WHAT THE HELL?

CAV REALLY?  

-How am I gonna win the Tour with that little hobbit trying to win the green jersey?  

-F*******CCKKKK!!!!

-Does anyone have any taller socks? I want to take it up to my knee cap for 2012.

-Cav...SHIIIITTTT!!!!!!  

Jonathan Vaughters:

- How do my sideburns look?

- I hate Johan

- I am the smartest person ever in or around cycling

- How does my shirt look?

- I hate Lance?

- Anything we do at Garmin is better

- I miss Wiggo

- How do my trousers look?

- Bradley come back 

- I hate the UCI

- How do my loafers look?

Mark Cavendish:

- I am the fastest man in the world!

- I feel like I might cry

- The difference between myself and Wiggo is that I win, he just talks about how he might win.

- Sky is MY new team!

- I am feeling like I might shed a tear

- I am so bloody fast on my bike!

2012 should be an epic & entertaining year in Pro Cycling!

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Cycling Wiki Leaks: RadioShack Nissan Trek Memo to FRANDY

We received this memo via our Euro spy/fan.  This is the same the man that sent us the LEOPARD TREK Hotel memo so we feel he is legit.*




Dear Frank and Andy,


I am very pleased that you will both be riding on my new team.  I wanted to address a few things right away so we get off on the right foot. The goal of this team is to WIN races, we view 2nd and 3rd place as the 1st and 2nd losers. Here are a few new team rules that will go into place at the end of the 2011 season.

1. Ride together all you want in the off season, because next year you will NEVER be in the same race.  I will not have either one of you looking around for the other one. Frank you should study up on Italy and Spain.  Andy focus on France!  During Grand tours, you are not allowed to call, Skype, or send pictures to each other. 

2. We will be repossessing all but one of your bikes for the first 3 months of the off season.  The only one we are leaving you is a Time Trial bike. You might remember that bike is the one with the funny looking bars that makes the "swoosh swoosh" noise when you ride it. LEARN to ride it and get faster on it! You look like two monkeys humping a futball when you ride a TT. We will fix this!

3.  Andy this one is directed at you: We will have a bonfire at our training camp; bring every picture/note/piece of Best Friend stuff you have from your relationship with Alberto. To be honest, he thinks you're a fool and he makes fun of you every chance he gets.  He actually  referred to you as "mi perra" over race radio. (Google it - it's not kind.)

4.  If you are going to do your "traditional" off season dolphin swims, make sure there is no one there to take pictures. Swimming with a porpous is completely emaskulating. Grow 2 pairs and swim with sharks if you need to get closer to nature. Don't say a word about Boonen swimming with the dolphins; he pulls more girls than most rock stars and wins cobbled classic races.

5. Scarves...lose them, ALL of them!

6.  Andy this is another one for you - if you win a stage you are never allowed to "post up." It looks as though you are having a seizure and we can't use the pictures for any PR purposes.  

7.  We will have an in-depth class for both of you about social media and the topic of WINNING!  I never want to see another Tweet like "We are ____ (fill in with words like happy, satisfied, content) to get 2nd and 3rd at ____ (fill in race/stage Amstel, the TDF, etc.) 

8. Only one of you can ride in the Luxembourg championship races.  You can decide between the two of you, but trying to figure out which one of you has those jerseys gives me a headache. Plus, there are only like 5 riders from your country so it doesn't matter much anyway; it's not like you're Belgian!

9.  Yes, you will be riding SRAM again.  Get over it; our mechanics know WTF they are doing and you will be fine.

10.Please try to pay attention when training.  No music, texting, or no handed riding. I don't want to see pictures of your skinny bodies all bloody and damaged. You two look like you escaped from a prison camp half the off season.


PS: Find out when and where Johhny Hoogerland trains and ride with him!




Kindest regards,
JB


Thanks for reading! Scan this QR code for link to some cool info about our booth 1048 @ INTERBIKE and a PROMO code for you to use:

*We can not promise this is an actual memo from Johan, but it could/should be.

USA PRO CYCLING Challenge needs some fixing

Photo courtesy of Gary Bradler

I had planned on attending 3 stages of the USA Pro Cycling Challenge presented by Millennium Promise.  Yes, I refer to it by it's proper name every time I say it, don't you?  I ended up attending only 1 stage instead.  Vail was great - TDF caliber riders, TDF quality backdrop, without the TDF traffic nightmare. So why did I not go to the stages on Saturday or Sunday as planned?  I looked at the route again, and realized the race was all but over after the TT.  Since there are no summit finishes, unless Levi hit an elk on the descent, it was going to be another bunch/sprint finish.  At this point, I have to admit I have been to some big races, including the TDF 4 times.  I guess I am a bit of a race snob, but if I had to decide between riding myself and watching sprinters not named Cavendish or Farrar duke it out, I will pass.  I had considered going to watch the climb on Lookout, but with 60 miles still to go after the climb, it didn't really matter what happened on that climb.

A buddy of mine form Chicago, who is new to the sport, texted wondering if I was at the race today.  I confessed that I was out riding instead.  "What's up?  Why didn't you go?"  So in lengthy texts I had to explain that this race route was really decided by dollars.  I get that the goal is to make money, but I question the short and long term money motivation.  Fans in CO love cycling, it's a beautiful state, etc, but, that doesn't secure long term sponsors and the big money.  Each start/finish town had to pony up $250,000 to host a stage, so you had towns like Durango and Boulder that wouldn't or couldn't front the cash so they were skipped completely on the route.  The $ provided by the sponsor towns is small money compared to big corporate dollars that could follow if you created an amazing and very challenging race.  What we got instead of Alpe d' Huez style finishes is a series of Milan San Remo type stages where the GC race was decided 1/2 way through the race.

What went right with the USA Pro Cycling Challenge?

The fans: They were amazing at this race.  Colorado loves cycling and the fans were passionate and loud. They filled the roads near the top of each climb and in every start and finish town.

The GC field:  You really could not have asked for better GC contenders for a race during it's first edition.  Cadel, Basso, the Schlecks and Levi.

The back drop:  Colorado is one of the most beautiful states, and offers a variety of terrain from desert, red rocks, pine forest, and rocky climbs.

The vibe from Fans and Media:  Those in and around the race have been very positive about this event and the turnout.

What needs to fixed:

The route:  I will give it to the ATOC, Tour of Utah and even the Tour de Georgia they used their terrain to make their race difficult and decisive.  The Tour of Missouri did not have that option, since there were no real long climbs to get into play.  Here in CO, we have plenty of climbs, many of which can be used but were not.  This race was decided on Thursday, yet did not officially end until Sunday.

The field:  If you insist on having a route that allows that many bunch/sprint finishes, then invite riders like Thor, Fabian, Cav, Gilbert and Boonen - at least make it interesting.  With all due respect to Elia Viviani, he is not exactly a household name. As I review this week, one of Thor's TDF style attacks could have won this race.

SUMMIT FINISH:  Let's be honest; that is what makes stage races famous and what shakes up GC!  Alpe d' Huez, Mont Ventoux, Zoncolan, Anglirue, Mt. Baldy, and Brasstown Bald.  You need summit finishes to make your stage race interesting and must see TV.  The USA Pro was more like a series of high altitude Milan San Remos with a few TT's thrown in (1 that was downhill?!).  Don't argue logistics, as the Aglirru is more remote than the top of Super James/ Super Flag or Sunshine.

Social Media director (or even a teenage kid that LIKES/KNOWS cycling and watches the @feed on twitter):  All week long this race has been slaughtered on Twitter about mistakes and typos on their site.  The best part is they have someone tweeting about the race, but they don't read/react to their @ messages.  @Neilroad and @Dwuori pointed out every error found on their website and they still have not fixed it.  My favorite - this line in the Spidertech Team bio: The team features two top sprinters Keven Lacombe and Phillipe Gilbert, who won a stage of the 2009 Tour of Missouri. The team also features American veteran Jon Patrick McCarty, who won the 2011 Amgen Tour of California KOM jersey and up and comer Zach Bell.


If you are going to spend millions and ask start/finish towns to pay you $250,000, at the very least have a novice fan check your website.  I even heard that some of these errors made it into print that was handed out at the race. OOPS?  

Volunteers that had no clue about cycling or what they were really supposed to do:  Give me the Gendarmerie any day, since cycling fans police themselves. I had one volunteer chase me out of the inside of a corner (behind a rusty guard rail and in a group of trees) on the TT course and ask me to go across the street and stand where they might end up if they over shot the corner. When I asked her why she said, "It's a closed course."  I said you, "You know that makes no sense right?" She went back to her post to wave an orange flag. She later  came back over to say, "I really don't know, it's just what they told me."


As my wife stated when we attended the TT in Vail, if this race was an the final Challenge on the Apprentice, Trump would have fired them.  


The Final GC: When this is your final GC, in a state with so many options to make a race brutal and interesting, you have a problem.  No offense to Big George, I have met him and I enjoy him as a rider.  At 38 years old, he should NOT be in the top 5 GC for a race promoted like this: Breathtaking altitudes, treacherous climbs and 128 of the worlds best riders. It’s the most challenging race held on American soil.

• 1. Levi Leipheimer, Team RadioShack
• 2. Christian Vande Velde, Team Garmin-Cervélo, at 0:11
• 3. Tejay Van Garderen, HTC-Highroad, at 0:17
• 4. Tom Danielson, Team Garmin-Cervélo, at 0:21
• 5. George Hincapie, BMC Racing Team, at 0:53

I know the riders rode hard and fans cheered their hearts out.  I just hope the race organizers do their part so that this can become the "Most challenging race held on American soil." Otherwise, I fear it will end up like Tour of GA and Tour of MO.


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Pro Cycling 2011- What were watching part duex

We know it's still early on in the season, but we figured we would give our take on the racing so far and a few predictions.


Off the front-

HTC High Road: They just win races!  Tony Martin and Matthew Goss have both racked up some nice wins so far in 2011. Tejay van Garderen is showing again that he is a VERY talented rider.  He is continuing to grow and develop and we can see a Grand Tour podium in his future.

Rabobank:  Some might have questioned letting a multiple Grand Tour winner go, but Rabobank didn't blink.  They have Robert Gesink as their GC contender and even Eddie Merckx tips him as a possible Tour winner. The early season form of Theo Bos and Lars Boom make it appear that they made some very good investments.

Spain: Gotta give it to 'em they know how to keep their "star" racers racing.  Conta gets the all clear from his home country and has already made the podium in one of his first races. What happens with the CAS time will tell, but he can now always claim he was cleared in his home country.

Jens Voigt and those in favor of race radio:  Jens mentioned an incident from a U23 race last year as an example of why Race Radio is needed in his "Open Letter" ( featured on CycleSport's website) .  Then this week as if on cue, an ambulance headed the wrong way toward the field in a race. Here is the excerpt from Jens Voigt's "Open Letter":


"Last year in an U23 race in France a spectator ignored all regulations and entered the parcours in the opposite direction of the race. What normally happens is this: the race director puts that news on ‘radio course’, the official communication channel between the race organizer, the UCI and the sports directors. Immediately, all sports directors spread the message amongst their riders over the radio to prevent a potential fatal accident. Now, in that French race there were no radios, which is the case in all U23 races. Try to put yourself into the position of any sports director, that knows there is a car riding towards the bunch. He’s not allowed to drive to his riders and warn them. All he can do is sit and wait. And maybe think about what he can tell the parents of one of his riders if he got hit by the car. Because this is what happened: the car hit a young Dutch rider, who was in a coma for three weeks. Everybody present in that race agreed that the accident could have been prevented if the riders had been wearing radios" 


If nothing else, the riders should get a broadcast from the race officials so they can be made aware of dangers ahead.  They should also allow team cars a 2 way radio to race officials, so they can communicate any issues they see like a rider that has crashed and is off the road in a ditch, off a cliff, etc.

Andy Schleck: As we have stated before, he really needs Conta to race the Tour to become a champion. If he snags his 1st Tour win without Pistolero in the race, it just won't be the same.  So far, it looks like he will get to line up with Contador in July.

Radioshack: Lance retired,  right after the Tour Down Under, but Shack has been getting it done without their biggest name. The Robbie's have been mixing it up in sprint finishes and proving they still have some left in the tank.  Markel Irizar won Ruta del Sol and Jesse Sergent won West Flanders, so the future looks bright for the Shack.

Cadel Evans:  Looks like he is trying the Lance approach from 99-05, trying to minimize his racing days prior to the Tour.  We actually like this move quite a bit, as it shows Cadel is not riding for 2nd place.  He is going all in for the TDF and is showing that he is not happy with a podium finish.  Defending champ Alberto Contador will do the opposite and try to race (and win) all 3 Grand Tours this season. Time will tell if Cadel is making a smart move, but we like it!

Steven Cozza: He has a fresh start with Team NetApp and is off to a solid start on the bike.  He won the Sprint and the Combined competition at Mallorca Challenge. We can't wait to see Steven on the cobbles at Roubaix! The other reason we have Steven on this list, is his work off the bike with his Race for Kids fan club.  He has a new coloring book with profits directed to help children's charities and the 2011 version of his  "Never Give up" tee that we make.  If you haven't read much about Steven or his mission check out http://www.stevencozza.com/ .




Off the back-

The Cobra's cycling career is dead, but we hope he gets help and lives a healthier life off the bike!

Ricardo "The Cobra" Ricco: The WTF moment so far of 2011! We just wished we had called one this "far out" in our blog "Dopers do suck, but they have great excuses" . Honestly, the thing that comes to mind when I think of Ricco is, when did this start?  I keep wondering if they should shift anti-doping so they are testing Juniors and U23 heavier than they do Pros. Much like AA baseball players that are trying "make it", many young cyclists are willing to take the risk of doping to get their shot.

Cav: had a rough start to the year; he found himself on the ground several times.  The shoot out Down Under with Greipel didn't actually happen.  Cav showed up a bit heavy, and his teammate Matt Goss was the bigger star during that race. The Manx missle has added Roubaix to his race calendar, and we have to say we are bit concerned about Cav on the cobbles. We fear his new grill might be in jeopardy if he ends up wheels up on the Carrefour de l'Arbre section.

LEOPARD TREK: Um...yeah, it's early, but no real headline wins for the most anticipated/hyped team in a decade. They look stylin', and are mixing it up in races, but they don't have any results to speak of.   I wonder if the O on their kits stands for 0 as in results. We have to give it to them ...SHARP kit and nice scarves!  They will win either Flanders or Roubaix and all will be right.

Taylor Phinney: It's been a rough beginning for Taylor with knee issues and a few crashes.  Still a long season ahead, but so far his young gun friends are off to a better start. No doubt he can and will pull off a result this year, he just needs some better luck.

Garmin Cervelo:  Their own riders Tweet jokes about taking Team SKY's musettes at feed zones.  They need to go to a white base instead of black or add orange back in.  They make a race finish very hard to watch.   We can't imagine how it feels to be looking to see if your rider is on your wheel only to find a SKY rider.  On their own, the kit looks great; add them in with SKY and LEOPARD and it's a mess.

PREDICTIONS:


Paris Nice: We will go with Sagan or Tejay van Garderen for the win, but don't count out Jurgen Van Den Broek

The Ronde: Top 3 in any order Fabian, Devolder, and Gilbert

Paris Roubaix: Top 3 in any order Fabian, Hushovd and Boonen


Check out STEVEN COZZA's "NEVER GIVE UP!" tee and the rest of our tees at http://www.hbstache.com/