Sunday, January 16, 2011

Cycling Wiki leaks: LEOPARD TREK hotel demands

We received this memo via a fan of our tees  (He is a kind man with a wonderful mustache that is a hotel employee in France).  We were shocked when we read it and felt we must share this information.


REQUIREMENTS (For hotels privileged enough to host our team):
General Hotel:
  • Minimum 2 Dolphins must be swimming in the pool
  • Water in the hotel must be either Evian or Vittel (not in bottles; actually flowing through the pipes)
  • Any statue or bust must be wearing a scarf
  • Each room should have a Bjarne Riis dartboard 
  • At least 2 rolls of toilet paper imprinted with the Saxobank-Sungard logo (per room)
  • All non-attractive or non-fashionable employees should be sent away during our stay

Rider Specific needs:
Fabian Cancellera
  • Roman style sandals must be at his bed side upon arrival
  • Gladiator and Spartacus “Blood and Sand” (Seasons 1 & 2) bluerays must be in his room.  (We do not care that season 2 has not been aired yet.)
  • 1 quart of Mobile 1 synthetic 5W-30 oil (do not ask questions about this)
Jens Voigt:
  • A bed of nails 
Andy & Frank Schleck:
  • Bunk beds (Andy gets the top bunk)
  • A medium sized stuffed dolphin must be placed on the pillow of top bunk
  • Photo Frame saying “My Best Friend” or “BFF” with the picture of Andy and Contador we supplied should be placed on dresser.
  • Two pair of red, white and light blue striped footy pajamas (size extra long and thin)

Stuart O’ Grady: 
  • 1 albino wallaby with leash 
  • 2 cases of Foster’s Australian beer/per night
  • a didgeridoo player should be available upon request
Linus Gerdemann:
  • A minimum of 9 mirrors in his room (So he can enjoy his own beauty)
  • ShamWows instead of towels (The German’s always make good stuff)
  • The entire David Hasselhoff music library on vinyl 
Brice Feillu:
  • A statue of Napoleon should be placed in his room (minimum 3 meters in height.)
  • Each morning he wants to be awaked to the French National Anthem played by a small child with a flute (age of child may vary between 6-9 years of age)
Thanks for reading.  You can go to www.hbstache.com and use PROMO CODE: TDU for 20%  OFF on all our tees!

7 comments:

  1. Holy cow, Batman.... I don't think I've laughed that hard in a very, very long time.

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  2. pwned. especially gerdermnan

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  3. Stuey doesn't drink Fosters - no Aussie does - it's an export brand only. Being a Croweater (South Australian), Stuey either drinks West End Draught, Southwark Bitter or Coopers Pale. Actually I've seen Stuey drink and he pretty much only drink red wine - of which there are plenty in SA.

    V funny...

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  4. fosters is cats piss and im certain Stuey would be requesting his south aussie coopers pale ale.... as when we saw him at TDF in 2002 my mate was wearing a coopers hat and Stueys quote of the tour was "gday boys, you dont have any coopers pale for me do ya???!!!" GOLD.

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  5. Ow... Ow... Ow-ow-ow...!

    The funny! It hurts!!! Ow!

    ReplyDelete