Dopers do suck, but they have great excuses!

I consider myself an optimistic realist; I hope we go all year with no doping scandals but that probably won't happen.  I wanted to do my part to help out the UCI ahead of the season.   After 2010 where the yellow jersey was involved in "where's the beef" gate, anything could be used as an excuse this year. So here are some of the possible excuses for a doping positive this year.

North American rider excuses:

• "Im not sure what happened, I went to an Native American spiritual ceremony while training in (Arizona, New Mexico, etc) and must have taken something during my spirit walk"
• "I stopped through Las Vegas on the way to the Tour of California and I spent some time at the (fill in the blank) strip club.  I must have gotten trace amounts or something from kissing the girl I was with" 
• "I took Xtreme Burn Fuel/Muscle Mass Machine 7/etc.  supplement I got at GNC."
• "I don't know what it was?  It came with Floyd's old BMC I got at a garage sale for $5.  Thought I would try it since it worked for him"
• "I drank a large amount of Mountain Dew/Wild Turkey/Red Bull/OJ after the stage, maybe that was it"

Western EU Pros (Mostly Spanish) excuses:

• "I was the only one that had the a Unicorn paella at our training camp in Majorca, it must have been tainted" 
• "DR. FUENTEZ"
• "I had a root canal that had complications, and I required a transfusion"
• "I slept with Ricardo Ricco's ex and I must have had a contact positive"
• "I know my name and mother's maiden name and passport number are on the blood bag you found but, I am innocent  (aka Spanish) so I will allow myself to keep racing"
• "I shook Valverde's hand when I saw him at a cafe."
• "I was at a David Hasselhoff  concert with one of my German teammates.  He said to try this since the Germans always make good stuff." 
• "Is it possible to get anything from dolphins that might affect the test? I swam with them a lot in the off seasons"

We want a clean sport as much as anyone, but we know that positive tests are inevitable.  We are hoping for the best, but expecting the worst excuses!

Pro Cycling 2011: Things we're watching part 1

As previously stated, 2010 was a wild year, and we are think 2011 will be equally entertaining.  Here are a few things we are watching for this year.

Team Omega Pharma Lotto:

While they consistently sport one of our least favorite team kit/helmet combos, they have our attention this year. Phillipe Gilbert is always in the mix and that won't change in 2011.  Many people questioned the future of this team with the departure of Cadel Evans.  2010 proved to be a solid year for Omega Pharma Lotto.  Jurgen Van den Broeck had an amazing Tour last year and has come completely out of the shadow of Cadel Evans.  If he picks the right race to focus on like the Vuelta or perhaps the Giro, he can end up on the podium. Van den Broeck posted a 7th at the Giro in 08, 15th at the Tour in 09 and 5th at the Tour last year.  He can climb and TT and is a true threat as a GC contender.  André Greipel got away from  Cav and is now THE sprinter for this team.  It should be interesting to see Griepel vs Cav with all the other usual suspects mixed in.  This battle could end with a wheel swinging encounter!

Will The Shack be relevant?

With an aging AARP roster, the Shack team was built to win in say, '06.  I feel losing Taylor Phinney was the biggest blow this team could have taken. With the recent addition of the very vocal and still quick Robbie², things got a little more interesting.  2010 was a very forgettable year for this team overall.  They got more press from time on the ground, fights with race organizations and "jersey gate" than they did from being on the podium. With sponsorship in question for the next season we bet Johan is able to get a few results with Levi, Kloden, Popo and Jani.  We can see this team capable of winning a few smaller stage races like Paris Nice, California or Colorado.  They should be completely free to hunt for stages at the Tour (IF they get in).  Our wish would be for Levi to focus his season on winning the Vuelta.  This race has been very good to Levi, it put him on the map and is the Grand Tour he can win.

Have we seen the best of Tom Boonen?

Tom had a really rough year in 2010, with a string of 2nds and stinging losses to Cav and Fabian.  Quick Step has had some big changes for 2011, including our favorite kit so far.  Some feel the addition of Gert Steegmans will offset the loss of Stijn Devolder.  We don't see it that way, it looks more and more like it is all on Tom for both Flanders and Roubaix.  Anything can happen in these races; if Fabian has a mechanical or stops to drink a beer, Tom has a great shot.  Looks like his knee is back to 100% and if he is mentally right (no underage girls, blow and or car wrecks) - Tom is still one hell of a bike racer. If he gets off to a rough start and Lefevere gives him Stijn treatment in the press, we vote Boonen "most likely to lay a beat down on his director".

Will Basso REALLY try to win the Tour or just keep saying he wants to?

Looks like we won't really know until May what the green team is planning.  First reports were that Nabali would go for the Giro win and Basso would focus on the Tour.  Now it sounds like Basso will ride in both in his attempt to win the Tour.  We have to admit we are a bit baffled at the latest trend to ride the Giro and the Tour since it hasn't worked out for anyone since Pantani.  Love him or hate him, Lance was dialed in on the Tour and showed people how to win it.  Contador followed that plan and minimized his racing (almost to a fault last year) to arrive in July for the win.  Not sure why Basso doesn't go all in and give the Tour his complete focus.  He has 2 Giro wins (1 that is believable) and 0 Tours.  It seems like a no brainer to give his complete focus on Le Tour, but then again, we're not Italian.

Will Taylor Phinney be influenced more by Cadel or by George?

Looks like he will be in the right races for his 1st year as a pro, with a chance to win one.  Most likely Taylor will win a TT and not a road race.  The big question as we see it, will Taylor learn more from George or Cadel? For most of his career Cadel's memoir could have been titled "Riding for 2nd: Confessions of a Wheel Sucker".  That all changed after his World's win and Cadel showed us, that when he attacks and takes risks he can win big races.  We like Hincapie as much as anyone, we think he is one of the greatest US cyclists. That said, he rides classics races like there is a chance the leaders will get hit by a bus.  George has not put in a dig in a classic in years, and we hope Taylor does not adopt the wait and hope strategy.  Tom Boonen learned a ton from riding with Hincapie and we hope the same can be said for Taylor Phinney.  We believe "The Great White Hope" can win multiple classic races if he takes his chances and rides for the top step, not the top 5.

Jens Effing Voigt:

This is probably his last year (for real this time) but why watch Jens 2011?  Because he is JENS, the Chuck Norris of cycling! Once again he will rip the legs off the peloton and give us plenty of one liners.  As long as Voigt is racing it will be a race worth watching!




Jens rockin the ultra compact frame.

 We want to see great racing all year, and we love the Tour de France. But, what we really hope for is that some of the GC contenters will give up their yellow jersey dreams.  We would love to see the likes of Christian V, Mick Rogers, Levi, or Cadel Evans add a Giro or a Vuelta to their palmarés.

Loved and Hated it, Pro Cycling in 2010

A wild year in Pro Cycling to say the least - from Tour Down Under all the way through to the Worlds it was a very unique season.

5 things I enjoyed in 2010:

1. Cadel actually attacking in races!

You would find no bigger critic of Cadel Evans prior to his win at the Worlds.  I used to say he might as well ride a Hoover since he only sucked on wheels.  I always thought he was a very talented rider that was just happy to be on the podium.  It didn't help that he talks like an Aussie Mike Tyson and blows up in front of TV cameras as often as Lindsey Lohan.  I was even a member of a group on Facebook titled "Cadel needs to grow a pair".  I have to say his riding blew me away in 2010 and I am no longer a member of this group.  Watching Cadel come around Conta at Fleche' was amazing! That was my favorite race finish all year. Then he earned big points as a hard man by winning the EPIC and nasty stage 7 of the Giro.  Bravo Cadel!

2. Lance on the cobbles chasing at the Tour de France.

I will never apologize for being an Armstrong fan.  I have always said of athletes like MJ or any of the boxers that made comebacks, that it is their talent and gift to use up as they see fit. Some think that Jordan's time as Wizard was a failure.  I still remember he dropped 50 points in a game as a Wizard and mentored a guy named Rip Hamilton that went on to win a ring. The Tour did not go as as anyone would have predicted for Lance.  To see him raging on the cobbles reminded  me of the killer instinct that got me to watch him since 99. To see that max effort after the flat tire was to once again see him fly like he did on Sestriere. I will also give him props for finishing the race and not letting Lemond's prediction become true.  Love him or hate him, you watched! 

3.  FABIAN THE MACHINE!

What can I say - he made my 2 favorite races of the year into boring affairs as he just ripped the legs off the field.  He timed his attacks to perfection and left everyone looking for 2nd place. 

4.  Vino being back to being Vino:

I know, I know, a majority of you hate Vino.  I have to ask why?  Is it because he is like a cycling version of a Bond villian?  The doping?  If it the Bond villain thing, I guess that's fair because he really is that type of character.  If it is the doping, I would just ask you if you supported Basso's comeback.  I am way better with Vino's attempts to deny, then finally admitting to his "dark years", than I am with Basso's Clintonian  style "I only thought about doping" after he won the Giro by NINE minutes.  If Basso get's another chance at glory and race wins, so should Vino.  I am a bit biased, as I have been on 2 stages at the Tour that Vino has won and I have always liked his "Damn the Torpedoes" style.  He has a bit of Cannibal going on and I kinda dig it.  It think the sport is better with Vino as a character (assuming that he is as clean as the next former doper). Watching him win Liege to a chorus of boos was cool and shitty at the same time.

5. Young Guns taking USA jersey's:

The future of USA cycling is very bright with Taylor Phinney and Ben King taking out all the USA championship jersey's for 2010.  I was blown away that 2 under 23 riders could take the TT and Road Jerseys. I look forward to one or both of these guys racking up some big pro races in Europe.




The 5 things I hated in 2010:

1. Stage 17 of the Tour de France:

I was looking forward to an all out war between Schleck and Conta after "Chain Gate".  Andy has been fuming with his "Stomach Full of Anger" and I thought this could lead to one of the greatest stages ever.  What I got instead was a tit for tat race up the mountain with Conta gifting Andy the stage.  I was stunned as I watched the finish.  I could not believe that Andy not only took the gift, but posted up (worst looking post up in cycling! He looks like a constipated version of DJ Qualls) as he crossed the line.  Conta gave up a stage and made Andy his bitch and BFF all in one well played move. As @HeidiSwift  tweeted after the stage "They must have had amazing make up sex." Pisterleo is one of the shiftiest guys to ride on 2 wheels.  Many times he did not see "it" or could not hear "it" in his radio and apologizes for "it" as he goes on to win.  This was another example of a skill set unique to Conta.

2.  WTF is up with that kit?

Fotton Servetto shocked the world of all things tasteful at the Tour Down under.  In a move that would not even have been supported by the GAP or zoo keepers they showed up in khaki Lycra.  In one way I can respect the concept of a kit so effing ugly your riders are ravenous to get into ANY leaders jersey or National Champions jersey.  Other than motivation to get out of this kit, it was just wrong to have pro athletes rolling in kits that appeared to have their asses hanging out of them.  This kit karma came back to bite them in the ass as they were denied a Pro Tour license this year.  As we say at Handlebar Mustache,  "If it's not PRO, it's a HELL NO!" and this kit was far from pro!

3. The Spanish Cycling Federation:

The fact the Alejandro "Valvpitti" Valverde was still racing and taking wins and money from other pro riders in 2010 is enough reason to hate the Spanish Federation.  They are the only county in the world that seems to be out to hide and protect their athletes.  Even the Kazaks and Chinese will suspend their riders without having to go all the way to the CAS.  I am convinced the Spanish would defend one of their riders even if they took a transfusion on the podium.  The country that brought you  Dr. Fuentez and Manalo Saiz now has the Clenbuterol steak affair to deal with.  Bets on if Conta's case has to go all the way to the CAS?

4.  The Giro Prolight helmet:

Especially in ORANGE!  I don't care how light this lid is.  I don't care if it has more vents than other helmets.  I don't care if it has performacne enhancing herbes built into it.  It looks like a $10 child's helmet from Walmart.  In orange it makes even a cool cat like David Millar look like an Umpa Lumpa. If you head is that heavy shave it and just stick to the Ionos guys!








5.  Bjarne "Mr. 60" Riis being Bjarne Riis:

I have always wondered how Riis can keep falling into dookie and come up smelling like he is wearing Sex Panther.  A few historical highlights of Mr. 60:
* The 1996 Tour winner that admitted to doping in order to win that Tour
* Directs Ivan Basso to a win the Giro by 9 minutes then he get busted in Operation Puerto 2 months later.  Riis drops him like a bad habit.
* Is linked to a 7 thousand Euro payment to Dr. Fuentez for Frank Schleck's "training plans"

2010: He negotiated with Alberto Contador while his rider Andy Schleck was battling it out for the overall with him at the Tour.  He sends home long time great teammates Staurt O' Grady and Andy Schleck from the Vuelta for "staying out too late". Obviously a huge moralist, I am sure Bjarne would have played this the same way if these guys were riding for Saxo in 2011. All that said, he still is able to secure sponsors when others teams drop like flies.  Bjarne must have pictures of several really high level people doing some pretty interesting things.

2011 brings new sponsors, new teams, new gear, new talent and a ton of opportunity.  We are sure there will be more drama on and off the roads.  We are confident that it will be a very interesting season ahead and it starts in just a few weeks.