Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Floyd's next 10 Pro Cycling revelations

Paul Kimmage recently ran his exclusive interview with Floyd Landis that he attained over a beer or 12 in a log cabin.  We have a friend of a friend that split a few table dances and many a Crown and Coke with Floyd at a strip club in Bakersfield and got an exclusive for our readers.
Eki's mullet is all business in the front and not to be messed with in the back.
1. Taylor Phinney is actually the product of a DNA experiment created by Jim Ochowicz, Eddie Merckx and Lance.
2. Jonathan Vaughters did not get stung by a bee in the TDF he tried using EPO eye drops (scored through being part of a clinical trial)
3. Vince McMahon is a "silent" owner of ASO and the TDF is partially scripted. What else can explain Carlos Sastre winning the Tour?
4. Final 8 riders selected to ride the Tour with Lance had to agree to have a testicle removed. That is the real reason Tom Boonen left USPS and why Betsy Andreau is still pissed off. Lance takes that Juan Pelota shit really seriously!
5. Although he did not attend college, let alone an Ivy league school, Lance is a member of the Skulls and therefore The New World order.
6. Lance's field crossing on the Col de la Rochette was actually something US Postal practiced months ahead of time.
7. Eki once cut the hand off a Discovery team mechanic that touched his mullet.
8. Marco Pantani is actually alive and living with Tupac, Elvis and Kurt Cobain on an island near Mallorca.
9. Michael Rasmussen was so concerned with weight he had a few ribs removed like that Paul guy on the Wonder Years (aka Marilyn Manson)
10. After the 2007 Tour, Lance took Contador to a party at the Playboy Mansion.  At this party is when the Pistolero lost his virginity to Miss July.

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